Where do I even begin this week!?
Seriously, I’m sitting here absolutely ecstatic and excited for what I think/hope the future will hold and at the same time, I’m on the verge of tears. I just want to cry. But not in a bad way. I’m super happy right now.
This week, I said some, ‘not-goodbyes’ but some, ‘see you later (hasta luego)’ to some amazing colleagues. I’ll see them around and will still be keeping in touch with them, so it’s absolutely not goodbye. Yet, it’s still changes, and it won’t be the same. It’s still sad. Leaving the office after an amazing ‘semi-last day’, it felt like a genuine goodbye. I felt truly loved, appreciated and recognised. They’re an amazing bunch of people so it’s no surprise that leaving them was going to be hard.
Yet, I must look forward to the future. What’s in store for me next? I don’t fully quite know. At least, not yet. I’m not 100%. I’ve had people ask all week. My responses have differed, but the gist was always the same, “I don’t know”. And for me, uncertainty is normally terrifying. I need some sort of a plan. An indication of a plan. A rough itinerary of sorts. I have none of that.
So, how am I so positive when I’m in a period of uncertainty? I’m not 100% sure. After all, life is a continuous learning journey. What I do know is that the main things I’ve been trying to focus on this week are the things I’ve been writing about for the past year, and what I’ve begun to realise more and more over time. That I need to focus on what I CAN control and be appreciative of what I do have.
When I first got confirmation my secondment was ending, someone quickly reminded me, “at least you have a job”. It’s something so obvious but easy to forget that, for me, I have a guaranteed job to go to. Whereas there are some people struggling to find work who would give anything to be in my shoes. It’s a quick way to step back and actually appreciate that, yeah, this situation sucks. But, it could be a heck of a lot worse!
Practicing appreciation each day and reminding myself what I have to be grateful for, I’ve become a lot calmer and happier lately. It’s little things such as appreciating that I have clean water. Or that I can sit on my deck, which I own, in the sunshine and read a book in peace and quiet. It’s the little things that used to be such a big deal to me have become part of my every day life that I have been taking them for granted.
I have so much to be thankful for. I’ve worked damn hard for all of it. It never came easy, so I need to remember to step back and actually take it all in.
I also have so much going on outside of my job and wrestling that there’s plenty of things that I can control and focus on to keep me focussed until I know for certain what my day job will look like. I’m near the end of my Diploma and I NEED to get it finished. It’s the final paper and it’s nearly complete. My Diploma is within my reach now, I can almost taste it. It’s going to feel amazing when I’ve completed it! I’m also super busy renovating my home with my partner and building our life together. It takes a lot of work to maintain a strong relationship. Especially with two strong minded, independent and determined individuals coming together. Focussing on these things and being appreciative for what we have has kept me sane through this time of uncertainty.
And for those awkward moments where people want to know answers I can’t give them, I’ve found humour to be incredibly helpful. “What’s my plan? Oh, I plan to get paid to twiddle my thumbs for a day”… Of course, 100% joking! Can you really picture me sitting still and doing nothing!? Me neither. But, I’m only joking. I’m breaking the tension and I quickly follow it with a brief update, “I don’t honestly know yet but, I will take each day as it comes and give 100%”. That’s all that I can do. That’s all I can control.
Keep smiling. Focus on what you can control. Be grateful for that which you do have. Life goes on.