OH! You are going to hear me now!
I don’t know what specifically was the turning point most recently but, oh my, have I found it. That thing I thought I had all along but it wasn’t quite there. Just not quite… loud enough. True enough.
I love writing and love that I have this outlet and place to share.
I didn’t share a post last week and, when asked by my life coach why not, all I could say was nothing felt right.
I had so much to say. So much I wanted to put out there but every time I started writing, it was horrendous. It didn’t feel true. It felt like I kept editing to save someone’s feelings or because I was afraid of how it was sounding. Nothing sounded right. So, I chose not to post anything. Silence was better in this moment.
The following morning, I was confronted by someone nearest and dearest to me whom I love more than anything. The weird thing is, I think I kind of expected it.
But in this moment, it was as if the fuse was ignited. Not in an, “I’m angry and the world will hear it!” kind of way, but in a, “No more!” kind of way. As in, “No more will I be treated this way. No more will I be told how I feel, how I act or who I am in your eyes.”
The thing is, you each know me based on your own interactions with me. You are entitled to your version of me. I cannot control that. I can however influence this with my actions and words. It’s called a personal brand.
Within managing that personal brand, we can choose how we show up in a relationship, what boundaries we allow with other people or what limitations we set.
I have done a lot of personal development over the years and the one thing I am extremely clear on right now in my life is: who I am, what I value and what I will tolerate in my life.
I will not be told who I should be or how I should feel based on your perceptions of me or the world. You have your perspectives and I have mine. I have my right to voice my own perspective, my truth.
In that moment where I said “no more!” it unleashed an immense freedom that I was trying to label. I explained to my coach the subsequent sequence of events following where I have proactively voice my opinion, reasonings and ensured I was heard unlike I’ve ever done before. Never in a mean way, nor in an attacking way, simply stating my views and holding to them without bending and, of course, remaining open to other perspectives.
“If only there was a term for that…” she toyed with me. And we both laughed knowing full well we knew what it was.
Empowerment the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.
Empowerment is incredibly freeing. That ability to say, “this is who I am and what I want” confidently and clearly has helped me really thrive this week through some stressful challenges, heartbreaks and nervous conversations. But, I’ve gotten where I needed to go, achieved what I needed and, most importantly, felt heard.
Unfortunately, when setting boundaries and trying to change a relationship you have with someone so that it falls within what you want to allow and tolerate in your life, sometimes this has negative impacts or takes a bit longer than you may desire for them to understand what’s acceptable but they will either adapt or move on. Hopefully, they will adapt but if they don’t, is having a relationship that you’re never truly your whole self in something you really want? (when I say relationship, this could be family, friends, colleagues etc.)
In a business perspective, I’ve set boundaries with staff on when and how they can contact me, for example. It takes time but, in time, they learn to adapt and you remain in control of your time. As a result, particularly while working from home during lockdown, I’ve managed to get a load more work done, be more productive and efficient.
This wouldn’t have been achieved if I gave in to their every demand and worked their way. You can’t make everyone happy. Plus, I manage 14 people. To adapt to 14 people’s individual needs is simply not possible. If I’m available all day for all of them, I would never get anything complete. However, by managing expectations and ensuring I find a way to work around what they need within what works for me, we both win. Ahh, compromise.
Control over ones time is equally empowering. It also frees me up for more golf / gym time during the day, or time to write. Win-win!
I’m so incredibly grateful, happy and wish everyone felt this way!
If you are not feeling empowered in your life, ask yourself why. What’s stopping you from speaking up and being true to yourself. If you were to speak honestly, yet with kindness, what would be the impact to the relationships around you? Is that a good/bad thing? Are you happy to be this way for the remainder of your life?
Only you know the answers and only you can do the work to take charge and speak your truth. But, I can absolutely be right by your side through the journey, if you want me to. Hit me up if you’d love to engage in some coaching or would like to know more.
After all, WWBD?
What Would Batwoman Do? / What Would Britenay Do?