It’s time to unzip those trousers and let it all out!
I’ve been struggling with my weight for years. There’s been times when I’ve looked at my best, and times when I’ve looked my worst. And with cameras at practically every wrestling event, I have to get over it and get on with it all the time. It’s rough. I get into the ring and try to forget all about it. I try not to think about my appearance and simply put on a great match for the crowd. But the truth is, there is no avoiding reality.
Every show, I rock up, transform myself into Britenay and prepare for my match. While doing so, the locker room is filled with other girls getting ready to rumble. Getting their gear on, putting on make up and psyching themselves up. While they pose and take photos of themselves, I try to avoid looking in the mirror. I already know I won’t like what I see. I avoid comparing myself with these girls though because the truth is, there’s a bigger difference between us than just looks. I’m about 10 years older than them and the simple fact of age alone means my body is no longer what it used to be.
When I was their age (it always makes ya sound old when talking like this) but, when I was their age, I could eat almost anything, drink what I wanted and I’d hardly gain weight. I would work hard and play hard and you could hardly tell. Now, if I eat one slice of bread, I balloon up instantly. At least, that’s what it seems to feel like.
Right before the last show, however, I looked into the mirror. I took a good look at myself and, as I was about to cover myself up, I thought about the message I would be sending to other girls/women. I thought about my potential future daughter and what I would want her to think of her mother. Would I want her to know her mother was embarrassed by a little ‘fat’ and hide in shame? Or would I want her to feel proud of her own body and be empowered to do what she wanted?
In that moment, I decided ‘f*ck it’ and I went to the ring with my shirt on… took a deep breath and removed my shirt in the ring. What may have seemed normal to the crowd, was such a difficult thing to do. Standing in the middle of the ring, surrounded by over 250 people, wearing a crop top & tights, I suddenly, and surprisingly, felt empowered. I had made the decision that night not to care.
I decided not to care about the opinion of others. I decided not to care that my appearance wasn’t what I wanted. I decided not to care what anyone else was doing with their looks. It simply didn’t matter. Looks aren’t everything. It shouldn’t matter so much, and we should stop putting so much pressure on ourselves and on each other.
In saying this, because I’m not happy with my appearance, I have kicked off a new mission to kick the kilos goodbye. Last week, I began intermittent fasting in an attempt to shock my body and I’m down 1.5kg already. This is a huge success in itself as my body never reacts so well to my weight loss attempts. A win is a win!
My mission is to lose 10kg by the end of October. I’m doing this for myself because I feel unfit and sluggish. I don’t feel myself at all and I’d like to fit my clothes better again. I know I’ll never be completely happy with my appearance, but I can definitely feel better and get my fitness a bit more on track. I’m excited to make this happen!