I don’t know exactly where or why this all started. I imagine perhaps it’s an animal response from our cave men days where it’s in our nature to compete in order to survive. Maybe we need to be the best in order to not prove that we are higher up than all others so that we’re higher in the pecking order? I don’t know. All I know is it’s exhausting.
It’s truly exhausting competing with other women. Why do we seem to always want to prove that we’re better than each other? What’s wrong with acknowledging that another woman is stronger than you in an area? In doing so, it doesn’t make you weaker. Why put down and attack another woman just because you feel like they’re a potential threat? What do you achieve by doing so?
A while back, Erin wrote a post called, “stop comparing yourself to her”. This post was so good and honest about women comparing themselves to each other. And the sucky thing is, I see it everywhere. Especially on the internet, I see women tearing each other down. I also see it in the workplace, in the wrestling world, amongst friends, everywhere. Women seem to always be comparing themselves with each other. They compete with a desire to be the best at something, and some tear each other down to try make themselves feel better.
Ultimately, in comparing ourselves, attacking each other and turning everything into a competition, we are making it harder for women to succeed. Really, we’re just hurting ourselves in doing so. Yes, another woman is doing better than you at something but, they worked hard to get there. Give them that credit. It doesn’t make you any less of a woman. It certainly doesn’t make you less desirable or less of a success. But, tearing them down because of their success does make you an asshole.
For example, I’ve caught myself admiring another woman recently who was leading an event. I thought she did great, but my mind drifted to thoughts that, “I could do this so much better”. What’s wrong with that? Well, I instantly have made it a competition. It’s not a competition, she did really well and that’s that. I absolutely could do it, I would do it my way and my way won’t necessarily be better, it will be different. Both will be good.
When I realised how I was being in that moment, I stopped myself. I changed my thought and proceeded to admire how well she was doing. She really did do a great job. I then took notes and decided to work on my own project. I even commended her on a job well done because she deserved the acknowledgement. It felt great to make her feel good about her work. In doing so, we both succeed.
I’m pretty frank and honest here that I’m not perfect. I’m no angel, I don’t try to be. I just simply am doing what I love here, writing, and hoping that doing so helps someone else. But, outside of this blog, I’m an infrequent gym-goer. I eat ok, it could be better. I don’t get my nails done, they look awful. My house isn’t always tidy, I lead a busy life and sometimes that means washing isn’t finished and dishes aren’t done. I don’t care for label clothing. I don’t have many nice or expensive things.
That’s just me. And I’m actually okay with that. It’s taken years of experience in finding myself and accepting who I am to get to this point. But, as you’ve also seen if you’ve followed my blog is that I do have moments where I feel I could do more, be more and so on. Those are the times where I am comparing myself with others and the only person that hurts is myself. So, I’ve been practicing gratitude and that helps me remember who I am and how happy I am with my life.
But, when other women make comments online or in person that make things competitive. Or, put down efforts that I’ve made. And when they start to talk about how much better they are than I, for whatever reason they have. It’s then that I briefly feel like I’m not doing enough. It’s in those moments that I want to rip their hair out. It’s in those moments where practicing gratitude and controlling my emotions really pays off. Because, after I leave that discussion with those people and I remind myself who I am, what I have and where I am, that I feel much better. I feel genuinely happy.
I just wish that they also felt happy with themselves. I wish they didn’t feel the need to compete. I hope that one day, hopefully soon, they’ll learn to support each other and to appreciate their fellow females. We can all succeed. And we can do so much better if we support each other and stick together.