You know, life is truly great. One minute you’re up, on top of the world and rocking it. The next minute, everything is a mess and you don’t know how it all fell to custard so quick. The thing is, it doesn’t always turn to custard overnight. Sometimes, it’s a gradual process over time and we don’t even realise it’s happening until we hit bottom.
For me, I believe strongly that my outer reflects my inner. I’ve written a few posts recently about not being so well lately and feeling a bit ‘useless’… And, even though I knew all this, so much so that I was able to write blog posts about it, I still wasn’t truly confronting myself about the mess I was making throughout my environment by ‘letting things go’.
In truth, I needed to do that though. I needed the break from being on top of everything all the time. I needed to let myself fall for a bit because riding high for too long is simply exhausting. And thus, my environment, my ‘outer’ began to reflect how I was feeling inside. Because I took a break from caring and putting in effort, my home got messy and disorganized, and my weeks weren’t planned in my journal.
You’re probably thinking, ‘so what!?’ and fair enough. It’s my home, I’ll have it how I choose. And journaling/planning ahead isn’t for everyone. But, it is for me. I don’t mind my home being a mess but when it’s a constant mess and never tidy, it stresses me out and isn’t pleasant to live in. For me, being in a mess and not being organised, mentally and physically, I feel it internally. Hence, my outer reflects my inner.
It’s like a torturous circle. For example: I feel a bit down, so I leave the washing a day or two. Then I decide I’ll leave it for the weekend. But, the weekend comes, and I’m shattered or have too much on. Then, I’m starting to feel worse mentally because now there’s a load of washing that’s piling up and only getting bigger, but I’m stressed and I’ve no time, so it can wait. Adding to more stress because if I don’t wash it all soon, we won’t have anything to wear.
Same with journaling and planning my time. With so much going on in my world, I like to have some form of organization by writing out my schedule. Knowing where I need to be and when. And what needs to be achieved, in what priority order and by when. If I don’t then I get frazzled and flustered. I begin to get worse at my job and my work rate drops. I am much less productive. So, keeping a physical journal and ensuring I keep in check with it, I feel more on top of things because it’s out of my head, on paper and I can let it go.
So, over the past few weeks, my environment, my home, was beginning to get a bit too messy for my liking. I was feeling stressed and out of order. The great thing about knowing this about myself is that I can fix it. An environment can be tidied and cleaned. A journal can be organised at any time and, because I use a bullet journal, it can be organised how I want it.
In saying that, it’s not as simple as, ‘ta-da! The house is cleaned and I’m all better now!’. It all takes time. And that’s the first, most important, and often difficult thing to admit. That you need to allocate time for yourself. When you’re feeling stressed already, telling yourself to put aside your other tasks, your workload etc. in order to put yourself, your environment and your journaling first, is quite difficult. But, it’s really important that you do because no one else will give you that time. And if you don’t do it now, it will only get worse.
So, that’s what I did this week. And boy does my head feel clearer now! I slept a lot better too! And, you can tell it was a noticeable change because when my partner got home, the house being clean was the first thing he noticed hahaa. I’m sure it won’t remain this clean but for now, it is a great feeling to be on top of things again. To be organised and focused. I feel recharged and energized to get things done. So, watch out world! … well, until the next time I need a break, that is 😊