What Marriage Didn’t Do For Me

Heart on Dress
Photo from the Wilde Family album

“What a treacherous thing, to believe that a person is more than a person”
-John Green, Paper Towns

I had reserved part of my brain for believing in fairy tales…

I believed that marriage was suddenly going to take this girl with a lifetime of self esteem issues and make her confident and effortlessly happy.

Truth is – a ring didn’t make me a better person
Truth is – I still have my own issues
Truth is – My favorite human in the world has promised me forever — but there are still times that I feel lonely as fuck.
Truth is – I loved and I’m lucky for it. But I’m still me and I’m still flawed.

I think a lot of people expect marriage to fix all their problems.
It wont. It might even create some.

But for me the difference is that now I wake up in the morning and know that I have a partner who will face those problems with me.
I know that he’s in it with me when things are ugly and when they’re beautiful.
I know that even if everything else is wrong he’ll remind me of who I am, and that I am loved, so there is at least one thing in this broken world that is totally right.

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